Hi Karen
I wish you every success with whichever way you decide to go! Having constant pain in the wrists can be unbearable at times as everything you do involves some sort of wrist action; even if you're lying in bed you still have to hold the book! As for bum wiping ... well!!!!
I have problems with both wrists and significant joint damage in each. In 2003 I was referred to orthopaedics to see what could be done to 1. get rid of the pain and 2. improve mobility. As I am right handed (this wrist was the worst affected) the surgeon suggested I had a wrist replacement as this needed to retain some mobility, a function you lose with fusion. He also felt that at a future date the left wrist could then be fused. This seemed the best way forward because I didn't want to be unable to have some action, even if just for peeling the spuds! A fused wrist creates a lot of problems of its own which you are often not told about. The prime one being personal health, as you mention. You only need to think about it to get the picture ... your wrist does not bend any more and rotation can be painful! Writing can be difficult because there is no movement in the wrist. Trying bandaging your wrist tightly for a couple of hours ... you will get the picture!
I went ahead with the replacement and the op. was successful. Recovery time though was the best part of 12months and that included months in plaster and intensive physio. I had good rotation, more mobility and no pain. Since then I've had a few problems, a revision due to osteophytes (bits of broken bone) getting trapped and locking the mechanism and currently mobility is poor (perhaps the same thing has happened again!) but don't feel up to following it up just now. But it's not painful!
My left thumb joint is fused (kept dislocating). The joint at the base of the thumb was removed and the 'hole' fixed with bits of bone from the joint and then fused. It was pinned for several weeks to hold it all in place but once the pin was out it was great!
Whatever you have done you will be limited to some extent. Lifting weights are limited to about 4kg, but you get to know yourself what you can and can't manage. If you fall, put your arm out and land on it, it could break very easily, fusion or replacement. It all sounds a bit dismal but the upside NO PAIN! It's a big decision to make and much will depend on the state of your wrist and whether one procedure might more appropriate than another. In some very badly damaged wrists it is not possible to replace and fusion is the only way ahead. Your surgeon will organise MRI scans to check damage and should be able to advise you of the best option. That said fusion is the cheapest so you may not get offered a replacement.
Let me know if I can add anything further! Hope this helps,
Lyn x